And, I read it over and over before folding it into two— my letter of resignation.
“God, I have done that which you lead me to do. What next, Lord?” I directed to my Father.
I expected to receive some instructions but it came again— John 8:32.
“And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”
“Lord Jesus, what truth do I need to know for me to be set free. Besides, what exactly do I need to get freedom from?”
I really needed to know.
I sat on my bed with my head resting on my left palm.
I needed answers.
Different thoughts ran through my mind.
Could it be that, God needs me in something different or I needed to do some pertinent things in my family or I was not walking in line with God’s standard or….
My mind was in disarray.
I was not thinking straight.
Maybe I needed to speak with someone who’s spiritually older than I was.
I couldn’t go to meet my mother because, she was still resting.
She might not be in the right frame of mind to answer me.
I didn’t want to call Mrs. Ogar. She might be busy and I wouldn’t want to be a burden to her.
I couldn’t. Aside the fact that, he has been unreachable for days, I wouldn’t want to reveal so much of myself to him in the meantime.
So, who would demystify this complication to me?
Almost immediately, I heard it, “Until my only gaze is you, Spirit keep brooding over me till I look more like you”— my phone.
My mouth dropped as I saw the caller identity— Mrs. Ogar.
I swiped right.
“Hilda”, she called my name.
“How are you doing today?” She asked with a tone of intense concern.
I heaved a sigh before answering. “I’m quite fine, ma.”
“But, you don’t sound like it, dear.”
I scratched my cornrows. I really needed to loosen them.
“Actually, some issues came up and they appeared insoluble to me”, I explained.
“But, with God, all things are possible” she countered.
I mumbled some sounds.
“Do you care to share?” My spiritual mother asked.
“I actually feel God leading me to resign from my place of work and I intend to finalize that on Monday but, I have still not gotten hold of the Bible verse which keeps coming into my mind”, I narrated.
“And, what verse is that?”
“John 8:32”, I quoted.
“Hida, before I go on, I want you to know that, God desires that He speaks to you. It all depends on how ready you are. You begin by preparing your mind ready to receive His words. You do away with all kinds of ungodly thoughts and other forms of distractions after which, you solely focus on God.”
I was hit.
I had allowed strangers— wrong thoughts into my heart.
“Lord, I’m sorry”, my heart cried.
“Are you with me, Hilda?” Mrs. Ogar asked.
“Back to the issues disturbing you, aside the Bible verse that keeps reoccurring, is there any other issue that you are bothered about?”
Should I tell her?
“Yes. It’s about the finances of my family. I mean, my family has always been in debts as a result of financial incapability and it’s a concern for me especially now that I am aiming at my education. I do not want to be a burden to anyone but, we need resources at home”, I explained.
I actually added the last line so as to clear any air of misconception.
“Hilda, I love your observations. The truth is that I felt stirred in my spirit to call you. At first, I will didn’t want to yield because we spoke yesterday but I kept getting pricked.
“I never knew God wanted us to trash a very cogent issue. Meanwhile, I want you to know that, we all need people in our lives. So, whenever you need the assistance of people, don’t hesitate to. Do you understand?”
So, the Holy Spirit exposed my unwillingness to call her at first?
I’m sorry, Lord. Help me to always listen and obey you.
“Okay. Hilda, do you know that, giving one’s life to Christ does not validate that problems like generational curses leave?”
“The presence of Christ is just a pass card to access freedom from curses. What then am I saying?
“Since you have noticed that, the financial inadequacies has become a trend in your family, at least, from your grandparents to your mother and down to you, you need to do a serious evaluation of your bloodline. This would involve you doing deep things like asking questions and also, engaging spiritual warfare.
I am not saying that, you accept what I have said as the fact but, you should do your personal evaluation and see what the problem is.”
“Wow. You have really opened my eyes to something different this morning, ma”, I commented.
Really, I got a revelation.
“But, Hilda, do you know that, engaging spiritual warfare in form of prayers is not enough to conquer this problem?” Mrs.Ogar asked me.
“Really? What else, ma?”
“One can get a very huge amount of money and still return to poverty after a little while if he does not apply kingdom principles to his finances.”
“What kind of kingdom principles, ma?”
“Paying of tithes, avoidance of consistent loans, being a cheerful giver and some others are some examples of the kingdom principles that must applied.”
“Wow. I learnt so much from you today, ma.”
“And, I’m glad you did. I sincerely desire you to flourish in life endeavors.”
“I’m so grateful for your love and concern towards me. I really appreciate it, ma.”
Really, I was.
“All thanks be to God, dear. Meanwhile, how about your mom and grandma?”
Should I tell her about it?
No, not now. Till my miracle.
“They’re both fine, ma. Infact, there is something that I would want to tell you but, I’ll tell you sometimes later.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to tell me now?”
“No, ma. I’ll tell you soon.”
“If you say so, then.”
“What about daddy, James and Moses?” I asked out of courtesy.
“They’re all doing great. It’s just that, I’ve missed you. Even my husband asked about you today.”
“Wow. Kindly extend my regards to him, ma.”
“I will. When next you come around, I’ll introduce you to some of our children.”
“Wow. That would be great.”
“Okay. Have a great day. I’ll have to catch up on the next flight as I’m returning home today”, she told me.
“I just hope your program at Ibadan was not so stressful.”
“It was but God’s grace sustained us.”
I loved her bluntness.
“I pray more strength for you in Jesus’ name.”
“Amen. Thank you so much. I have to go now, Hilda.”
The line went dead.
Checking, we spent seventeen minutes.
It was past six p.m and I needed to get to the kitchen.
My day has been a blessing with the lecture Mrs. Ogar gave to me.
Truthfully, I was blessed.
Infact, I swung into action by asking my grandma some questions about our generation.
I connected the answers together with what Mrs. Ogar told me and, it made sense.
I was going to work on that.
He dropped into my mind. This time, very intense.
But, I didn’t want to call him because, he might not pick up as in the previous days.
I wanted to whisper a word of prayer but I felt unusual.
What’s this feeling?
Unwillingly, I picked up my phone.
I could only hope.
And, it was ringing.
He picked up.
I widened my eyes.
“God!” I muttered quietly.
“Hello, Faith”, I heard.
He sounded stressed.
“Good evening, sir.”
“Good evening, ma’am. How are you doing?”
“Very fine, sir. What about you?”
“I’m fine by God’s grace. I’m so sorry for not picking up when you called. I was not in a good position to pick up your call, then. I’m very sorry”, he apologised.
“Oh! No problem, sir. I was concerned at the abrupt drop of the call on Monday evening. I was actually edified with your story”, I confessed.
“I am grateful to God for that. I’m sure you were wondering why the line went dead in between our conversation, right?”
“You remembered I told you that, my mom has been sick.”
“I can remember.”
“It was at the point of calling that I saw a text from my second phone. It was from my mom’s doctor. He said my mom just went into a critical condition and her chances of living were below slim. He actually needed my attention at the moment. So, I had to break the line”, he explained.
“I’m so sorry, sir. But, how’s she now?”
“Since Monday evening that I’ve been at the hospital, she was in comatose with very low blood count. Not until yesterday afternoon that she came around. She looked weak but much better than before. So, she’s still alive”, he said.
And, I felt touched.
“Sir, I strongly believe that, with God, all things are possible. He will give us a big testimony soonest. Let’s keep believing”, I encouraged my ex-boss to be.
So, I could do that?
“I sincerely appreciate your words of encouragement. Thank you so much.”
“Let’s give God the glory. I called to check on you. So, let me leave you to rest now”, I said.
“Thanks for your care, Faith. I appreciate you. Meanwhile, how’s been work?”
“I wasn’t at work during the week but, as I am led, I would be resigning on Monday.”
“I have not also been at work due to the issue I have at hand. But, I believe God has plans for everyone of us. I wish you the very best in life.”
“Thank you, sir.”
“Okay. Good night. And, go to church, tomorrow.”
That was more of an instruction.
“I will. Thank you, sir.”
“Good night, sir”.
So many lessons in a day.
God really loves me.
I rolled my eyes.
“Hilda, we are hungry oooo”, I said the unmistakeable voice from distance— my grandma’s.
I had even forgotten.
Up to the kitchen!